On one hand we are to perform/act/give with no expectations of any return and on the other hand this is not possible for our own self-respect and our need to be assertive. Quite a paradox!
Mr. Sabnis, a happy go lucky 76 years old neighbour. One day he came to me and looked quite unlike himself. Over a cup of tea, he began sharing about what had upset him that day. One of his nephews, who was staying in the next colony always took monetary help, join in unannounced for many meals, keep his children with him when the couple went on a holiday or a family function where he didn’t want to disturb his children’s school routine. This had been a regular practice for the last seven years. Off late Mr. Sabnis noticed that whenever he asked his nephew for any help for himself or his old ailing wife (on his day off from work), like visit to a doctor or getting some medicine for his wife, he felt bumped off.
He experienced this once, twice, thrice and on several more occasions. Being denied-smoothly and diplomatically, Mr. Sabnis picked up the game. He soon realised that return of a good turn was not going to happen from his nephew respectfully, and he was forced to make a decision to not extend himself extraordinarily to meet the demands of his nephew. This was a painful & assertive decision taken deliberately. Mr. & Mrs. Sabnis found their liberation in this decision.
Some of us continue being used, and feel bad about our own self. So, look out for reciprocity in a relationship – it may not be an exact return of your action/ kindness/ compassion but you can feel it. If present, invest in the relationship or else bid it a due and move on. You will preserve your self-respect & others too can learn to treat you better. Reciprocity, is therefore a good indicator of mutually worthwhile relationship.
